I'll preface this with 'it's ok'. But I'm not extraordinary.
When I run down a list of things that others can do, their capabilities, their loving weaknesses, ability to be a good friend, parenthood, skills....etc. I realize I really can't compare. Nobody speaks of me with fondness like 'she sure does love her dog, or she's such a cat lover, or she's a really good blogger, or she works really hard, or she really provides for her family, she's so fun, I miss her, she's a devoted wife, etc. I'm really nothing special.
Blame it on the hormones but I've been feeling pretty down and lonely lately. Not sure if it is this new medication I'm on or what but this is our 8th month of infertility treatment and I really don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Although meaning well, someone messaged me the other day that they are about to adopt their foster daughter. (She already has biological children) They got her at like...4 months old or something? They've had her for over a year and have known since she was very young that she was adoptable. The baby has no issues, no handicaps, etc. She knows we are trying to foster and knows we are doing infertility treatment, so why the announcement? I don't get it. Why me? We aren't even friends on facebook? I deleted her a while ago when our mutual friend and I (who we met through) stopped talking. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her (as much as I can be for an acquaintance) but in general I'm more like 'ok?'. She said she was just messaging me to check up on me, but she announced her happy news first...almost like 'here's my awesome news, now about you?'. We don't even talk but once every 6 months or so.
Sorry if you're reading this-I appreciate the check up but with everything that is going on...it was just a bit of a shock.
I'm not really good at much. I don't have a hobby. I don't like mom's groups. I don't knit or craft. I'm not artistic. I'm a good cook...but I don't feel much like cooking lately. I want to start living to make each day count but I feel like every day is consumed with fertility treatments and other people's pregnancy announcements etc.
I know a 'friend' who is pregnant right now and she thinks I don't know. So not only is she lying to me but it's insulting my intelligence too. Which is annoying. Now, she has every right not to tell me...I'm not saying I should be at the top of the list by any means but yuck...get over yourself lol.
So I guess for right now I'll focus on work... making money, getting out of debt, and planning for a vacation...wish me luck on my scan for Friday!
