I know I talk a lot, and I try to joke. I'm loud, obnoxious, and I joke about being annoying but I really never thought that other people thought it too. Let me explain...
Throughout marriage, pregnancy, birth, being a mom, etc...I've joined various forums, chats, and mom's groups. I post occasionally but moreso in stages through these experiences. You're not going to be posting in a pregnancy board while you're chasing a 2 year old- you're going to be posting on the toddler board. Anyhow, I've recently been active on a couple baby carrier sites and established internet relationships with a few moms. We post and banter back and forth about everything and nothing- joke around- chit chat- everything.
Fast forward a couple weeks and I receive a message from someone saying they just wanted to let me know there was a circulating post about me and that I had the right to see it. So I weasel my way in to the closed facebook group and lo and behold there is a post about me and how crazy and annoying and 'ew' I am. OUCH. (The reason for the post and what not goes a bit deeper- it wasn't just out of the blue- it appeared moms were being scammed out of donation money about a week and a half earlier- a few moms freaked (including myself)- turned out it wasn't a scam- I apologized for freaking and I thought it was the end of the story....until this post). My whole issue with the situation is that it was targeting me (because I WAS a bit dramatic about the whole situation) and not anybody else. Furthermore, the post about me was embellished and bedazzled (like a movie) to stir things up. Moreover- it didn't just stop at the drama stemming from the 'not-scam', in continued over in to other forums and posts. They didn't just attack my dramatics over the 'not-scam', they started pitchforking and saying I was so annoying, they avoid me like the plague, 'ew', I comment too much, and that I'm crazy. There were also some straight up rude people nit picking on me using paragraphs and how 'sentence structure is my friend'... it was so catty!
I honestly never thought the words of strangers could hurt me so much. I shouldn't care what strangers behind a computer screen think of me...and I don't really...but it makes me doubt my 'real-life' friends. What if they think these things about me too? Are they really busy or are they just avoiding me like the plague? Do I try to stir up drama in their lives? Do I annoy them? Is this post annoying the reader who casually clicked the link? It's making me feel pretty darn crappy about myself and unsure about my relationships with people. I'm sure I'll come out of this funk soon enough but for now, until I move past this, don't take it personally if I'm a bit monotone for a while. I'm not trying to fish for people to ask me what's wrong- trust me- I'm just really hesitant about things right now.
Funny thing is- the original person who found me so annoying and just felt the need to post about me messaged me after the entire ordeal and said 'I just want you to know that it wasn't me who wanted to post about you, several of us got together and agreed we would all say how we felt etc- but now they are not my friends anymore because they weren't backing me up on the post, so I've learned my lesson and they threw me under the bus, so I'm going to stop posting about you now, I never should have in the first place'
.....what? She actually just messaged me to tell me she's stopping because the other people who were talking about me behind my back were not going to publicly bash me so she's just 'letting it go'? uh...thanks? I guess?
I had to write it all down because it has been bothering me. Now I feel like I can't post on all of the (what I thought to be) supportive boards and if I do, my posts are being shared, judged, and talked about. So I'm just staying clear :)
So on that note- holidays are approaching...what is everyone hoping for from Santa?! I want SeaMonkeys (yes I'm serious, always thought they were so fun) a vintage tea-party book I saw at epcot (glam tea party anyone?!), and maybe some gift cards to target or marshall's :)
Please- be kind to one another- even behind the computer screen...
