There are a lot of things I could say about being the mom of a toddler.
You might be the mom of a toddler if more than one of your friends has almost peed themselves because they cannot open the toddler lock on the toilet.
You might be the mom of a toddler if the sentence 'DO NOT PEE ON THAT CARPET. NO! DON'T LICK THAT! OH EW! OH GROSS! I GUESS NOW I REALLY NEED TO GET OFF THE COUCH' has come out of your mouth. Or face it, insert any other word with pee and it will apply. You're probably also the mom of a toddler if 5 seconds later they do something so cute that all is forgiven and forgotten. Until you step in it.
You might be the mom of a toddler if chicken nuggets are your health food of choice for him/her. The thought of all the fresh fruits and veggies that you feed your own body with make you cry because they sit uneaten in the cute zebra bowl that you thought would entice him to eat said health foods.
You might be the mom of a toddler if you hear the words 'limp' and 'noodle' and immediately sympathize while rubbing the bruises on your shin from yesterday's limp noodle episode. (aka when the toddler doesn't want to do something and suddenly has no bones)
You might be the mom of a toddler if your child-free friend's suggestions of 'what might be wrong with the grumpy child' make you want to set them on fire and then ask THEM what is wrong with them and why they are grumpy. (Yes we know you are trying to help...but please please PLEASE just accept the fact that sometimes it is nothing. Literally nothing. Toddlers YELL at the top of their lungs for fun. It is so fun to scream bloody murder for no reason while mommy is driving so that she almost kills everyone when she swerves from the not-so-dangerous plastic bag in the road)
It's really surprising to me how intolerant others have become towards children. Children is a blanket term but I have a toddler so we will just go with that. People are incredibly intolerant of kids being kids. Kids are loud, messy, loud, fun, loud, cute, loud, and awesome. Families that choose to be child-free are also fun but I think it becomes a 2-way street at some point. When did it become acceptable to drop off the face of the planet when a friend gives birth? Just in passing it has been suggested that people with children expect people without children to change for them. I don't expect people to uproot their lives to accommodate my child or my choice to have a child but where is the line? What I mean by that question is where is the compromise in the friendship? Is it expected that things with friends remain completely the same and people with children have to find a sitter 'or else'? I thought a good compromise would be a half way meeting for coffee or something (because I stay home) but it has been suggested that it is still requiring a change out of a friend because now there is a child involved. I'm not complaining at all, I am truly asking what the line is...where is the acceptance? Is it all a wash? Do I give up and accept that certain friendships are over? Do I keep trying?
Here is the REAL question. When these individuals have children of their own-is it bad that I am looking forward to the unspoken apology that I see on their faces after the first few times they attempt to go out 'because their future 6 month old will LEARN to listen and not throw a fit at the table'... Is is BAD that I am looking forward to that? I'm not looking forward to their stress but I am looking forward to the realization...Who am I kidding? Because I said all that the rest of my friends will have that handful of kids that are super calm and collected! No seriously though...all kids have their quirks and unique personalities so until that day comes I'll just sit back and drink my tea all by myself daydreaming about their future children smashing a fist full of jelly and oats in to the carpet because there was a tiny speck of 'unknown debris' on said cereal bar...that reminds me. Cleanup duty calls.
