Do you like my alliteration title? It's all I can do to keep my sanity in this time.
Ok so I went to the dentist yesterday for the first time in like 15 years. Yes, 15. I went probably 5 years ago and had them tell me what I needed done through xrays and what have you, but I haven't actually had work done in 15 years. I knew I needed to go because about 3 years ago one of my molars broke. It hasn't really caused me much pain at all...the occasional twinge here and there and I would think 'oh this is it, dentist Monday' but then the pain would go away so I'd forget about it. Well....I wouldn't forget but I had rainbows coming out of my mouth telling me 'it must have healed itself, go go gadget dentist!'. Yeah. It didn't heal itself. So anyhow, (and I want to apologize profusely to the person this is referring to because it is very selfish of me to think this way when you've gone through this) but right near the tooth that is broken, I developed a 'lesion' recently (or a long time ago? I never really paid attention). It's not bothersome, etc...but recently a friend of mine with no history of smoking, drinking, or drugs, developed oral cancer. Immediately I booked an appt to a dentist because this weird lesion HAD to be cancer too right? (again I am so sorry to who this refers to...I am NOT taking the situation lightly by ANY means, in fact, it is the opposite...I'm taking it too seriously for myself). So I go in to the dentist and I explain to them (for about an hour) that I do not have (repeat do not have) a dental phobia, I have severe health anxiety. Like I said, I explained it to them for about an hour before they were actually able to get me in to the chair just to LOOK at me (because I don't have a dental phobia right?). She assured me that it just looked like an irritation from the decay (yuck) of my broken molar. I still insisted that it looked like a cancer lesion so they got out their special vero-whatever scope and screened me for oral cancer. So $50 later they said I don't have it. That the lesion is irritation from the tooth. Like they said.
Sigh. So for not having been to the dentist in so long, I have periodontal disease :( and 4 cavities. The whole periodontal thing SUCKS because it is progressive but I believe it can be halted with proper dental hygiene. Folks, brushing 2x a day is not enough...you have to be diligent with your flossing too. I haven't been hence disease. They said I'm very early and very mild but that I will lose some of my gum line but that it won't be noticeable and that in fact my mouth will look/feel healthier once they deep clean my teeth.
As for the broken molar, there isn't too much they can do right now. I have to be referred to a root canal specialist to see if the tooth can be saved. If it can be he will tell me that putting money in to the tooth would be worth it. If it can't be saved, they will extract it (along with my wisdom teeth) and then we will talk about a replacement tooth. I don't really MIND losing a back tooth per say....it could have been a lot worse, however, the blame is not on me for this one. I guess when I was younger I had bad decay in that back tooth and the dentist should have done a root canal but he actually filled the entire tooth with amalagram (sp?) filling. Those types of fillings are notorious for expanding and cracking teeth...so that is why it broke. It should have never been filled in the first place. My fault comes in that when it broke, I should have just gone in and gotten it fixed...but I didn't and here I am.
Now, I don't have a dental phobia...and I have my appt tomorrow to deep clean the right side (broken tooth is on the left) and fill 3 fillings on that side. I called and tried to cancel the appt. NOT because of a dental phobia but because of this or that and this or that. The lady who is going to clean my teeth convinced me to come in just to 'sit' in the chair and see how I do. She promised she wouldn't touch me or do anything if I didn't want her to. I told her she's silly...but not to touch me. Good thing I'm not afraid of the dentist because they must act like lunatics going in!
Wish me luck tomorrow! Hope I don't have too much pain! *side note* Happy Birthday Mom! Love you!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Thursday, July 11, 2013
My birth story- FINALLY (15 months later)
I never posted my birth story- so here it is in black and white (or whatever color my layout is)
I had what you would call a tumultuous pregnancy. My blood pressure was high in the beginning, normal in the middle, and started to rise at about 37 weeks pregnant. I had a lot of pain that I wasn't sure was normal or not, so I went to triage a LOT. I was constantly worried I was going to do something wrong that would cost me my son's life and so while I loved being pregnant, I didn't love how worried I was.
Bryce was conceived via the drug clomid. We were told it would take us a LONG time to get pregnant and we were blessed to end up with him on the first try. Fast forward to when I was 9 1/2 weeks pregnant and we thought we lost him. I woke up covered in bright red blood. We raced to Winnie Palmer and there was our little miracle with a heartbeat. Little personality already. He was bouncing around like the cute little alien he was. He's still bouncing as a healthy 15 month old toddler.
We were scheduled to be induced on a Wednesday night around 11PM (are they TRYING to get you super tired?)...on Wednesday I would have been 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I wanted SO badly to go in to labor naturally and have him in the hospital but NATURAL. No pitocin, no induction, no epidural, no drugs. Nada. So come that Monday we had gone in for our every 3 days NST (non-stress-test to make sure Bryce was doing ok with my high blood pressure) and that day my blood pressure (bp) read 130/86. Great blood pressure for me! So fast forward to that day around lunch time, I receive a personal call from my Doctor telling me that I was the topic of their luncheon that day and that they decided it would be best if I came in to be induced that afternoon.
I'm sorry what? Keith and I were prepared but this 'out of the blue' thing came as a shock. I was pretty against it, as I was doing all I could to go in to labor naturally, but off we went.
When we arrived, we were super excited and super nervous. We were escorted up to our room and told someone would be with us soon. We had never done this before so we didn't know if I was supposed to get undressed or what. At that moment a tech rolled in a bp cart. I told her that my arms are big so I need the big cuff and also asked if I could have a moment to calm down, as I have white coat syndrome AND I was very on edge/excited. I was told that she didn't have a big cuff and that she had a job to do so she needed to just take my bp. Hmmm. Ok. So when she took it it was 180/110...which is pretty high. I asked her if she could take it again in a little while and she did but it was still very high. She took it a third time but this time (I didn't know this) but my Doctor was in the room watching the machine. She knew if I saw her I'd be nervous. My blood pressure had come down but was about 160/100. She told me that it was still too high and that they needed to start me on an IV of Magnesium Sulfate. I was horrified. I hadn't been in the hospital an hour even and I was already starting on medications. I had also heard horror stories about M-S and didn't want to have it. I was told that it would help lower my blood pressure and that I needed it. Before they started me on M-S they took my blood pressure again and after I had rested it was down to 130/86 again but they still started the IV. They honored my request to not have pitocin and opt for cervidal (sp?) instead. It is some type of weird paper strip thing that goes inside the hoohaa and rests on the cervix...it is supposed to help induce labor. Most results are not seen for 12 hours. Now, remember, Keith and I had eaten lunch around 12noon and it was now about 7 or 8 at night. We had been in the hospital since 4:30 and not a darn thing had gotten done. I hadn't even started the cervidal yet. So once they started the M-S I started to feel the effects. It was AWFUL. It makes you feel like you have an automatic 3rd degree sunburn. You're on FIRE. It also caused me a HUGE headache. I told the nurse that I thought maybe eating would help and she informed me I was not allowed to eat anything in case I had to have an emergency c-section for some reason. Now, I'm 40 weeks pregnant and I wasn't allowed to eat? I hadn't eaten in HOURS. So fast forward to 10pm and the nurse is fiddling with something on me and my Dr calls to tell her she is settling in for the night and was checking on me. I asked her if I could speak with my Dr please...so I get on the phone with her and ask her if I could please have something to eat. By this time it had been 10 hours. She said 'Jennie I never told anyone you couldn't eat....you can eat'.......
Excuse me???
Ahem. So I call down to the cafeteria and they are closed. The best they can offer me is a bowl of oatmeal. Great. So I ate that and tried to sleep. Keith was massaging my head as hard as he could but it wasn't touching my headache. It was hard to sleep anyhow because they had the fetal doppler on my stomach, an IV in the side of my wrist on the left arm and a bp cuff on the right arm taking my bp every 10 minutes. FINALLY around 4:30am I dozed off and around 4:45 the nurse comes in and wakes us up and says 'you're going to have to find a different position because the baby isn't tolerating that well'.... So much for sleeping. She finally agreed to take my bp cuff off for the night to help me sleep. It didn't help me sleep. SO we got 15 minutes of sleep. Around 7AM the nurse comes in with the Doctor on the phone and checks my cervix. I had come in at 1cm dilated and 60% effaced. 10 hours later after the cervidil I was 1cm and 60% effaced. SIGH The Doctor gave me a choice. She said that with the way my body was responding, and not wanting pitocin, that at this rate I would be in labor for 3-4 days...OR I could have a csection that afternoon. I told her I couldn't do the M-S for another night (I couldn't just lay there for another night like that) so I opted for the csection. I had one of 2 choices. Either I could eat now and then have the csection around 5pm OR not eat and have the csection around 12:30pm and eat after. Recovery should take about an hour on average... We chose to not eat and then have him that afternoon!
The rest of that day was a blur. We waited for a little while and then it was time to prep for the surgery. We were so excited...but also delirious and I don't remember much. The epidural was a breeze although it exacerbated my restless leg syndrome....UGH. The csection part was a BREEZE. Honestly. I didn't feel pressure or tugging or any discomfort. The epidural made my BP drop several times and made me feel sick but it was all worth it to see his precious face!
Bryce came roaring in to this world on March 20th, 2012 at 1:10PM. Going against the norm, they let me hold him while they were sewing me up. I don't know if they followed my birth plan of letting the cord blood pulse in to Bryce (but I doubt it) but at that moment it didn't matter. He was with us and he was amazing. Everyone was so kind and congratulated us and all the previous night was forgotten. A little while later they needed to prep the recovery room for me (you know, the one that I'll be in for 1 hour) and took the baby and Keith went with him. It wasn't too long (maybe 10 min later) that I was wheeled in to the recovery room and saw a BOTTLE OF FORMULA stuck in my 30 minute old baby!!!!! I gave the death stare and apparently Keith had been bullied in to it. They nurse gave him a choice. Either they give him formula right now because his blood sugar was low, or they would wheel him up to the NICU and have him on an IV for 3 hours. His blood sugar was .2 off what it should be. We were told that he could have brain damage if he didn't have that formula. I told her that I'd like to breastfeed him immediately. So right then and there I took him and we shared our first breastfeeding moment. Unfortunately I was so doped up that I don't remember a lot of it. I'm angry that it was taken away from me....but the past is the past. So an hour or two passes and I sent Keith to find out why I'm not in my regular room...I hadn't eaten since 10pm the night before (oatmeal) and it was like 3 in the afternoon. They informed him that it was because my blood pressure hadn't fallen within the parameters that the Dr. had set (160/100). After I found that out I was nervous every time that machine started up! Finally around 5 or 6 at night, one of my readings was 155/98. I was saved!!!! Then they informed me that my bp needed to stay under the 160/100 for one hour straight. It took my blood pressure every 10 minutes...they also said that any time my bp goes above that that the hour starts over. THEN we were told that the baby was stressing us out and that I shouldn't hold him any more. My blood pressure was the lowest while doing skin to skin and feeding my baby. Like hell I'm not going to hold my baby.
7:00PM
8:00PM
9:00PM
10:00PM
11:00PM. 11:00PM is when I'm wheeled in to a regular room. 11:00PM. Guess what? Cafeteria closed again! Oatmeal AGAIN for me! yayyyyyy. Do you know what else? We found out that the recovery room is charged by the minute. THE MINUTE. Our bill JUST for the RECOVERY room....for 9 HOURS was ..... $22,000 folks. Yes you read that right. $22,000!!!! THANK GOD FOR INSURANCE.
The next few days are still a blur. I was up and walking 12 hours later which was fine with me. I wanted to be up and out of that place. Breastfeeding was going 'ok' but I was in severe pain. Bryce was also losing weight but we were never pressured in to giving him formula again. We WERE being pressured to get him circumcised but ultimately didn't and I am SO happy with that decision. So anyhow, over the next few days we had no sleep. Bryce was a crier...they wouldn't even keep him in the nursery for an hour or two because he was SOOO loud he woke up the other babies. It made Keith and I laugh. It made us tired too...so we were tired but laughing. The lactation consultant told me my milk was coming in, which was a relief because Bryce had lost a pound by the 5th day. Anyhow, I was still under a lot of stress because they weren't letting me go because of my blood pressure. Slowly I sank in to the baby blues. I had it BAD. I wanted to be home with my baby..but I also wanted to be safe under the Doctor's care. Most of the nurses were great and they were rooting for my bp to come down. There was one afternoon that stuck out in my mind though and it was pretty bad. Keith had left to let the dog out and we had no visitors. Bryce had just nursed and had fallen asleep. I was alone and exhausted! I snuggled in to take a nap (the first one I had in over 3 days) and just as I started to fall asleep a nurse came in and told me I needed to get up and sit in the chair for an hour. I asked her if I could do it after my husband got back and after the baby woke up because I hadn't slept in 3 days and that I was supposed to sleep when the baby slept. She said (and I quote) 'A hospital is not a place for rest, it's a place for healing, so no, you can sleep when you get home, you need to get in the chair'. She didn't come back for over 2 hours. I sat there sobbing.
On the opposite hand I had one particularly helpful nurse that would sit there and breathe with me before she'd take my bp. It really helped.
We then asked why the magnesium sulfate hadn't lowered my blood pressure. We were then informed that M-S doesn't lower the blood pressure at all....it actually is used to prevent strokes in case your bp gets too high. I feel like that would have been nice to know. I was also being given high doses of ibuprofen which it says directly on the bottle that ibuprofen can block the effects of bp medications and cause them not to be as effective. They had tried me on several different types of bp meds. None were working.
By Friday (we'd been there since Monday) I was asking a midwife why I couldn't go home. I told her I just wanted to be home with my baby and that I knew the signs of trouble...and knew how to monitor my own bp. She got very stern with me and asked me 'do you want to go home and have a stroke'? We of course I don't. I didn't even know that was a worry...but...yeah...with the baby blues and all my hormones...I became absolutely terrified of having a stroke. I believed that at any minute I was going to stroke out and die. Or I thought that I'd have a paralyzing stroke and that Keith would have to take care of his mentally disabled wife and a newborn baby all by himself. It was awful to be that emotional and not having any medical support. The main Doctor came in and said my bp is starting to come down but that he'd like to see it a bit lower...and that he was rooting for us to go home the next day 'Saturday'. That day/night the very helpful nurse got my bp down to 140/93! Several times. She was convinced that was good enough to get me home the next day!
The next morning we patiently awaited our Doctor with huge grins on our faces. We were so excited to finally get to bring Bryce home! Our dreams became our nightmare when the Doctor busted in the room (literally) and 'banged' on the wall as his 'knock'. He stormed in and said 'those numbers aren't good enough, I'm not sending you home'. I just hung my head and went silent. Keith is the one who spoke up and said 'what is it that we need to do to get home? we just want to know what is being looked for so that we can get out of here'. The Doctor said 'I need her blood pressure to be under 140/90 consistently. Keith mentioned that my personal Dr (knowing my history) was comfortable with 160/100. The Doctor said 'that's too high. You are free to sign an AMA (against medical advice) to leave'. We immediately said 'no that isn't what we want to do at all...we trust that you know what you're doing, but we just want to be home as a family so can you tell us what we need to do?' I also mentioned that I just didn't think my bp would get that low in a hospital setting. I always got nervous when the would wheel in the bp cart because so much was riding on that little machine. So then the Doctor says 'you know what, I can't deal with you any more. I'm discharging you, see me in a week' and storms off.
I have been called a liar about what he said...I've been told I must have heard him wrong...etc. But Keith was right there...that is what the man said to me. An emotional 6 days post partum woman. Well besides being shocked, I was convinced I was going to die now that I wasn't under a Doctor's care. I realize now that he wouldn't have sent me home if he really thought I'd die. We went home that afternoon and I stayed obsessed with my blood pressure readings for another week or two. I didn't want to get close to Bryce because I didn't want him to love me and then I die from a stroke. It was the most horrible 2 weeks of my life, but also the most beautiful. There is always Bryce's face in the haze of the bad that happened.
Oddly enough, I would still go back to MY Doctor. She actually had nothing to do with 99% of the things that happened to me. She did what she felt was best in her medical opinion to keep myself and Bryce safe. She is a beautiful human being and I respect her a lot. I have a feeling she doesn't like me much but not everyone has to like you. She did her job of keeping me and Bryce alive and that is what matters to me. As for the other situations...I believe human kindness and human decency should have come in to play. I am not a number...I am a person and I deserve to be treat as such. A lot of the situations were the people carrying out their medical duties and I understand that...but this is driving me even more to have a home birth next time. With a doula and a midwife. I will trust their medical opinions in regards to my care.
The support I received from my husband was unmatched by anything I've ever experienced in my life. He was amazing. He still steps up with anything I need him to do. It's beautiful to see him interacting with his son the way he does.
Just to give you an idea....my total hospital bill was over $88,000. Insurance helped a lot. We probably owed about $2,000 of that...which is amazing. But a word of caution- don't be fooled by the 'breast feeding gifts' they give you. 'Pump accessories' etc. THEY ARE NOT GIFTS...MY 'GIFTS' COST ME $500!!! My take home pads and undies $400!!!! Don't be fooled. Get your own supplies.
And with that, good night...and here are some pics :-)
I had what you would call a tumultuous pregnancy. My blood pressure was high in the beginning, normal in the middle, and started to rise at about 37 weeks pregnant. I had a lot of pain that I wasn't sure was normal or not, so I went to triage a LOT. I was constantly worried I was going to do something wrong that would cost me my son's life and so while I loved being pregnant, I didn't love how worried I was.
Bryce was conceived via the drug clomid. We were told it would take us a LONG time to get pregnant and we were blessed to end up with him on the first try. Fast forward to when I was 9 1/2 weeks pregnant and we thought we lost him. I woke up covered in bright red blood. We raced to Winnie Palmer and there was our little miracle with a heartbeat. Little personality already. He was bouncing around like the cute little alien he was. He's still bouncing as a healthy 15 month old toddler.
We were scheduled to be induced on a Wednesday night around 11PM (are they TRYING to get you super tired?)...on Wednesday I would have been 40 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I wanted SO badly to go in to labor naturally and have him in the hospital but NATURAL. No pitocin, no induction, no epidural, no drugs. Nada. So come that Monday we had gone in for our every 3 days NST (non-stress-test to make sure Bryce was doing ok with my high blood pressure) and that day my blood pressure (bp) read 130/86. Great blood pressure for me! So fast forward to that day around lunch time, I receive a personal call from my Doctor telling me that I was the topic of their luncheon that day and that they decided it would be best if I came in to be induced that afternoon.
I'm sorry what? Keith and I were prepared but this 'out of the blue' thing came as a shock. I was pretty against it, as I was doing all I could to go in to labor naturally, but off we went.
When we arrived, we were super excited and super nervous. We were escorted up to our room and told someone would be with us soon. We had never done this before so we didn't know if I was supposed to get undressed or what. At that moment a tech rolled in a bp cart. I told her that my arms are big so I need the big cuff and also asked if I could have a moment to calm down, as I have white coat syndrome AND I was very on edge/excited. I was told that she didn't have a big cuff and that she had a job to do so she needed to just take my bp. Hmmm. Ok. So when she took it it was 180/110...which is pretty high. I asked her if she could take it again in a little while and she did but it was still very high. She took it a third time but this time (I didn't know this) but my Doctor was in the room watching the machine. She knew if I saw her I'd be nervous. My blood pressure had come down but was about 160/100. She told me that it was still too high and that they needed to start me on an IV of Magnesium Sulfate. I was horrified. I hadn't been in the hospital an hour even and I was already starting on medications. I had also heard horror stories about M-S and didn't want to have it. I was told that it would help lower my blood pressure and that I needed it. Before they started me on M-S they took my blood pressure again and after I had rested it was down to 130/86 again but they still started the IV. They honored my request to not have pitocin and opt for cervidal (sp?) instead. It is some type of weird paper strip thing that goes inside the hoohaa and rests on the cervix...it is supposed to help induce labor. Most results are not seen for 12 hours. Now, remember, Keith and I had eaten lunch around 12noon and it was now about 7 or 8 at night. We had been in the hospital since 4:30 and not a darn thing had gotten done. I hadn't even started the cervidal yet. So once they started the M-S I started to feel the effects. It was AWFUL. It makes you feel like you have an automatic 3rd degree sunburn. You're on FIRE. It also caused me a HUGE headache. I told the nurse that I thought maybe eating would help and she informed me I was not allowed to eat anything in case I had to have an emergency c-section for some reason. Now, I'm 40 weeks pregnant and I wasn't allowed to eat? I hadn't eaten in HOURS. So fast forward to 10pm and the nurse is fiddling with something on me and my Dr calls to tell her she is settling in for the night and was checking on me. I asked her if I could speak with my Dr please...so I get on the phone with her and ask her if I could please have something to eat. By this time it had been 10 hours. She said 'Jennie I never told anyone you couldn't eat....you can eat'.......
Excuse me???
Ahem. So I call down to the cafeteria and they are closed. The best they can offer me is a bowl of oatmeal. Great. So I ate that and tried to sleep. Keith was massaging my head as hard as he could but it wasn't touching my headache. It was hard to sleep anyhow because they had the fetal doppler on my stomach, an IV in the side of my wrist on the left arm and a bp cuff on the right arm taking my bp every 10 minutes. FINALLY around 4:30am I dozed off and around 4:45 the nurse comes in and wakes us up and says 'you're going to have to find a different position because the baby isn't tolerating that well'.... So much for sleeping. She finally agreed to take my bp cuff off for the night to help me sleep. It didn't help me sleep. SO we got 15 minutes of sleep. Around 7AM the nurse comes in with the Doctor on the phone and checks my cervix. I had come in at 1cm dilated and 60% effaced. 10 hours later after the cervidil I was 1cm and 60% effaced. SIGH The Doctor gave me a choice. She said that with the way my body was responding, and not wanting pitocin, that at this rate I would be in labor for 3-4 days...OR I could have a csection that afternoon. I told her I couldn't do the M-S for another night (I couldn't just lay there for another night like that) so I opted for the csection. I had one of 2 choices. Either I could eat now and then have the csection around 5pm OR not eat and have the csection around 12:30pm and eat after. Recovery should take about an hour on average... We chose to not eat and then have him that afternoon!
The rest of that day was a blur. We waited for a little while and then it was time to prep for the surgery. We were so excited...but also delirious and I don't remember much. The epidural was a breeze although it exacerbated my restless leg syndrome....UGH. The csection part was a BREEZE. Honestly. I didn't feel pressure or tugging or any discomfort. The epidural made my BP drop several times and made me feel sick but it was all worth it to see his precious face!
Bryce came roaring in to this world on March 20th, 2012 at 1:10PM. Going against the norm, they let me hold him while they were sewing me up. I don't know if they followed my birth plan of letting the cord blood pulse in to Bryce (but I doubt it) but at that moment it didn't matter. He was with us and he was amazing. Everyone was so kind and congratulated us and all the previous night was forgotten. A little while later they needed to prep the recovery room for me (you know, the one that I'll be in for 1 hour) and took the baby and Keith went with him. It wasn't too long (maybe 10 min later) that I was wheeled in to the recovery room and saw a BOTTLE OF FORMULA stuck in my 30 minute old baby!!!!! I gave the death stare and apparently Keith had been bullied in to it. They nurse gave him a choice. Either they give him formula right now because his blood sugar was low, or they would wheel him up to the NICU and have him on an IV for 3 hours. His blood sugar was .2 off what it should be. We were told that he could have brain damage if he didn't have that formula. I told her that I'd like to breastfeed him immediately. So right then and there I took him and we shared our first breastfeeding moment. Unfortunately I was so doped up that I don't remember a lot of it. I'm angry that it was taken away from me....but the past is the past. So an hour or two passes and I sent Keith to find out why I'm not in my regular room...I hadn't eaten since 10pm the night before (oatmeal) and it was like 3 in the afternoon. They informed him that it was because my blood pressure hadn't fallen within the parameters that the Dr. had set (160/100). After I found that out I was nervous every time that machine started up! Finally around 5 or 6 at night, one of my readings was 155/98. I was saved!!!! Then they informed me that my bp needed to stay under the 160/100 for one hour straight. It took my blood pressure every 10 minutes...they also said that any time my bp goes above that that the hour starts over. THEN we were told that the baby was stressing us out and that I shouldn't hold him any more. My blood pressure was the lowest while doing skin to skin and feeding my baby. Like hell I'm not going to hold my baby.
7:00PM
8:00PM
9:00PM
10:00PM
11:00PM. 11:00PM is when I'm wheeled in to a regular room. 11:00PM. Guess what? Cafeteria closed again! Oatmeal AGAIN for me! yayyyyyy. Do you know what else? We found out that the recovery room is charged by the minute. THE MINUTE. Our bill JUST for the RECOVERY room....for 9 HOURS was ..... $22,000 folks. Yes you read that right. $22,000!!!! THANK GOD FOR INSURANCE.
The next few days are still a blur. I was up and walking 12 hours later which was fine with me. I wanted to be up and out of that place. Breastfeeding was going 'ok' but I was in severe pain. Bryce was also losing weight but we were never pressured in to giving him formula again. We WERE being pressured to get him circumcised but ultimately didn't and I am SO happy with that decision. So anyhow, over the next few days we had no sleep. Bryce was a crier...they wouldn't even keep him in the nursery for an hour or two because he was SOOO loud he woke up the other babies. It made Keith and I laugh. It made us tired too...so we were tired but laughing. The lactation consultant told me my milk was coming in, which was a relief because Bryce had lost a pound by the 5th day. Anyhow, I was still under a lot of stress because they weren't letting me go because of my blood pressure. Slowly I sank in to the baby blues. I had it BAD. I wanted to be home with my baby..but I also wanted to be safe under the Doctor's care. Most of the nurses were great and they were rooting for my bp to come down. There was one afternoon that stuck out in my mind though and it was pretty bad. Keith had left to let the dog out and we had no visitors. Bryce had just nursed and had fallen asleep. I was alone and exhausted! I snuggled in to take a nap (the first one I had in over 3 days) and just as I started to fall asleep a nurse came in and told me I needed to get up and sit in the chair for an hour. I asked her if I could do it after my husband got back and after the baby woke up because I hadn't slept in 3 days and that I was supposed to sleep when the baby slept. She said (and I quote) 'A hospital is not a place for rest, it's a place for healing, so no, you can sleep when you get home, you need to get in the chair'. She didn't come back for over 2 hours. I sat there sobbing.
On the opposite hand I had one particularly helpful nurse that would sit there and breathe with me before she'd take my bp. It really helped.
We then asked why the magnesium sulfate hadn't lowered my blood pressure. We were then informed that M-S doesn't lower the blood pressure at all....it actually is used to prevent strokes in case your bp gets too high. I feel like that would have been nice to know. I was also being given high doses of ibuprofen which it says directly on the bottle that ibuprofen can block the effects of bp medications and cause them not to be as effective. They had tried me on several different types of bp meds. None were working.
By Friday (we'd been there since Monday) I was asking a midwife why I couldn't go home. I told her I just wanted to be home with my baby and that I knew the signs of trouble...and knew how to monitor my own bp. She got very stern with me and asked me 'do you want to go home and have a stroke'? We of course I don't. I didn't even know that was a worry...but...yeah...with the baby blues and all my hormones...I became absolutely terrified of having a stroke. I believed that at any minute I was going to stroke out and die. Or I thought that I'd have a paralyzing stroke and that Keith would have to take care of his mentally disabled wife and a newborn baby all by himself. It was awful to be that emotional and not having any medical support. The main Doctor came in and said my bp is starting to come down but that he'd like to see it a bit lower...and that he was rooting for us to go home the next day 'Saturday'. That day/night the very helpful nurse got my bp down to 140/93! Several times. She was convinced that was good enough to get me home the next day!
The next morning we patiently awaited our Doctor with huge grins on our faces. We were so excited to finally get to bring Bryce home! Our dreams became our nightmare when the Doctor busted in the room (literally) and 'banged' on the wall as his 'knock'. He stormed in and said 'those numbers aren't good enough, I'm not sending you home'. I just hung my head and went silent. Keith is the one who spoke up and said 'what is it that we need to do to get home? we just want to know what is being looked for so that we can get out of here'. The Doctor said 'I need her blood pressure to be under 140/90 consistently. Keith mentioned that my personal Dr (knowing my history) was comfortable with 160/100. The Doctor said 'that's too high. You are free to sign an AMA (against medical advice) to leave'. We immediately said 'no that isn't what we want to do at all...we trust that you know what you're doing, but we just want to be home as a family so can you tell us what we need to do?' I also mentioned that I just didn't think my bp would get that low in a hospital setting. I always got nervous when the would wheel in the bp cart because so much was riding on that little machine. So then the Doctor says 'you know what, I can't deal with you any more. I'm discharging you, see me in a week' and storms off.
I have been called a liar about what he said...I've been told I must have heard him wrong...etc. But Keith was right there...that is what the man said to me. An emotional 6 days post partum woman. Well besides being shocked, I was convinced I was going to die now that I wasn't under a Doctor's care. I realize now that he wouldn't have sent me home if he really thought I'd die. We went home that afternoon and I stayed obsessed with my blood pressure readings for another week or two. I didn't want to get close to Bryce because I didn't want him to love me and then I die from a stroke. It was the most horrible 2 weeks of my life, but also the most beautiful. There is always Bryce's face in the haze of the bad that happened.
Oddly enough, I would still go back to MY Doctor. She actually had nothing to do with 99% of the things that happened to me. She did what she felt was best in her medical opinion to keep myself and Bryce safe. She is a beautiful human being and I respect her a lot. I have a feeling she doesn't like me much but not everyone has to like you. She did her job of keeping me and Bryce alive and that is what matters to me. As for the other situations...I believe human kindness and human decency should have come in to play. I am not a number...I am a person and I deserve to be treat as such. A lot of the situations were the people carrying out their medical duties and I understand that...but this is driving me even more to have a home birth next time. With a doula and a midwife. I will trust their medical opinions in regards to my care.
The support I received from my husband was unmatched by anything I've ever experienced in my life. He was amazing. He still steps up with anything I need him to do. It's beautiful to see him interacting with his son the way he does.
Just to give you an idea....my total hospital bill was over $88,000. Insurance helped a lot. We probably owed about $2,000 of that...which is amazing. But a word of caution- don't be fooled by the 'breast feeding gifts' they give you. 'Pump accessories' etc. THEY ARE NOT GIFTS...MY 'GIFTS' COST ME $500!!! My take home pads and undies $400!!!! Don't be fooled. Get your own supplies.
And with that, good night...and here are some pics :-)
Monday, July 8, 2013
Chicken Thighs
This is one of my favorite recipes. I will usually pop them in when I know I'll be home for the next hour...sometimes I do it while Bryce is napping. So simple and so delicious.
I start out with 6 bone-in skin-on chicken thighs. A lot of you probably worry about the animal fat but here is a little bit of detail HERE and you also would want to attempt to buy a meat from a quality place. I get my meat from Whole Foods because they have a standard of no hormones, no antibiotics, etc. Other meats that do not specifically state these things can build up the toxins in their fat and we don't want that! Anyhow, animal fat can be good for our bodies! There are lots of vitamins etc. Everything in moderation. Ok- so 6 chicken thighs. I never knew you were supposed to rinse meat...I mean I don't rinse my beef (unless you're supposed to?) So I start by rinsing my chicken thighs. If you're lazy and/or short on time like me, then here is what I do.
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I just drape a paper towel in my 9x13 dish and lay the rinsed chicken on that- then I use the extra paper towel off to the side to pat the chicken dry. Much easier than drying each single piece.
Then I take my coconut oil (you can use any oil you want basically but I really enjoy the subtle coconut flavor it gives the chicken AND coconut oil is SO good for you. Read more HERE) I use.JPG)
Anyhow (see I ramble!) I take between 1/8 cup and 1/4 cup of coconut oil and melt it (always glass containers) in the microwave for 10-15 seconds. Coconut oil melts almost on instant contact with heat so it doesn't take much. Then I poor in a TBSP of mustard (honey or dijon (I prefer the taste of honey) with a pinch of sea salt (we are not salt users so if you want more, feel free) and about a TBSP (or a little less) of dried sage. Feel free to use any seasoning in fact. Play with it. That's what I do. Mix it all in with the coconut oil and it should look like this
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Then take a baster (oh yes, you did remember to pre-heat the oven to 425° right?) and baste your chicken thighs. I get around the edges and just use your oil concoction liberally. The first time I made these I ended up wasting precious coconut oil because the chicken turned my beautiful oil mixture in to a hard clumpy mess. THIS IS NORMAL!! You're going to see the coconut oil mixture harden up on your nice cold chicken. 100% normal. Wish someone had told me that! I thought the oil was bad! Coconut oil is so versatile...I call it a shape shifter.
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Then pop it in the oven for 45 minutes and VOILA! You can actually do less time because when I check my meat thermometer it always is in the low 200's for temp. I have stopped the time at 40 minutes and it has been just right. Always check with a meat thermometer which for poultry should read about 165°.
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I end up making these about 2x a week because I eat about 2 per meal. So does Keith. Bryce just nibbles as he has become very selective about what he eats. Pairings? I usually will roast or steam some asparagus. I highly recommend you all get a stainless steel basket steamer. It's the best thing to ever happen to my kitchen. Roasted broccoli or asparagus etc...takes 5 minutes on top of my stove! I then mix said vegetable with olive oil and pinch of garlic salt and there you have it. Sometimes I'll quickly (for lunch) just make a mixed green salad with olive oil and vinegar. Maybe some pita chips along side for complex carbs (100% whole wheat of course) and there you have a meal.
Hope this sounds good to everyone! Enjoy :-)
6 bone-in skin-on chicken thighs
1/8 to 1/4 cup coconut oil
Dash of sea salt
1 TBSP dijon or honey mustard
1 TBSP (or less) of dried sage
425° for 45 minutes (or until thermometer reads 165°)
I start out with 6 bone-in skin-on chicken thighs. A lot of you probably worry about the animal fat but here is a little bit of detail HERE and you also would want to attempt to buy a meat from a quality place. I get my meat from Whole Foods because they have a standard of no hormones, no antibiotics, etc. Other meats that do not specifically state these things can build up the toxins in their fat and we don't want that! Anyhow, animal fat can be good for our bodies! There are lots of vitamins etc. Everything in moderation. Ok- so 6 chicken thighs. I never knew you were supposed to rinse meat...I mean I don't rinse my beef (unless you're supposed to?) So I start by rinsing my chicken thighs. If you're lazy and/or short on time like me, then here is what I do.
.JPG)
Then I take my coconut oil (you can use any oil you want basically but I really enjoy the subtle coconut flavor it gives the chicken AND coconut oil is SO good for you. Read more HERE) I use
.JPG)
.JPG)
.JPG)
.JPG)
I end up making these about 2x a week because I eat about 2 per meal. So does Keith. Bryce just nibbles as he has become very selective about what he eats. Pairings? I usually will roast or steam some asparagus. I highly recommend you all get a stainless steel basket steamer. It's the best thing to ever happen to my kitchen. Roasted broccoli or asparagus etc...takes 5 minutes on top of my stove! I then mix said vegetable with olive oil and pinch of garlic salt and there you have it. Sometimes I'll quickly (for lunch) just make a mixed green salad with olive oil and vinegar. Maybe some pita chips along side for complex carbs (100% whole wheat of course) and there you have a meal.
Hope this sounds good to everyone! Enjoy :-)
6 bone-in skin-on chicken thighs
1/8 to 1/4 cup coconut oil
Dash of sea salt
1 TBSP dijon or honey mustard
1 TBSP (or less) of dried sage
425° for 45 minutes (or until thermometer reads 165°)
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
It can be hard
Sometimes I hear or see other mothers doing things differently than I do and I have to force myself not to judge. I wish it wasn't that way but it is. I keep my opinions to myself unless asked for advice and even then I hold back. For instance, breastfeeding my toddler is my choice and it is what I feel is best for us at the present moment. Do I enjoy the bond it creates between us? Yes. It literally sets aside 10-20 minutes every few hours where he is quiet, calm, pressing his warm skin on to mine, and taking in all kinds of nourishment that otherwise could not be provided. There are a multitude of ingredients that are not found in most other food sources on Earth (find some information HERE) Still, I get incredulous reactions to me still nursing him. He is 15 months old...not 12 years old. Leave me, and my child, alone. Please don't get me wrong, I really value others opinions but when something you say puts doubt in my mind about my parenting, I get really aggravated.
Speaking of touch...like I said, I enjoy cuddling with my son. My son sleeps with us. Insert gasp here. My husband and I agreed that it is what is best for us and our son. Let me show you some pictures of mammals...
Have I proven my point? In my instinct manual my gut tells me that my baby should sleep with me. Instinct tells me he needs my protection. Instinct tells me that when he wakes I should wake...Need I go on? This is not to say I think parents who do not sleep with their babies are doing a bad job...my point is that EVERYONE is doing a good job no matter what...so why am I (or we including my husband) the ones looked at or talked about when we are doing what is right for us? I don't see how the natural way (breastfeeding, organics, baby wearing (on my back or in front), sleeping with us, etc...is that 'abnormal' way.
So now that all of that is off my chest-in other news we are broke as a joke. Broke broke broke. We finally forced ourselves to sit down and look at our budget and as much as we hate it...it wasn't pretty. I won't go in to details because that isn't the point but if you don't see us much, that's why LOL. We have been doing really well eating at home, cooking our own food, etc. It saves on gas and is healthier all around. Bryce is very selective about what he eats (even though we did the ranges of food when he turned 6 months) he absolutely hates fruit...won't touch anything red or yellow, will only eat veggies sometimes (used to eat it all the time but like I said...very selective lately). I am hoping that eating at home and giving him more finger foods will help. I hope to eliminate crunchies and baby food pouched permanently. If only I could get him to eat some grapes or something while we are out! We did have success with a banana or two the other day. Progress!
It's my goal to update more often. I want to share my mothering adventures and also some recipes and health tips...we'll see how it goes. Bare with me as I'm still learning this whole blogging thing and so some of my posts may look wacky 'construction' wise. I'm working out the kinks. Thanks for reading and Happy 4th!
Speaking of touch...like I said, I enjoy cuddling with my son. My son sleeps with us. Insert gasp here. My husband and I agreed that it is what is best for us and our son. Let me show you some pictures of mammals...
Have I proven my point? In my instinct manual my gut tells me that my baby should sleep with me. Instinct tells me he needs my protection. Instinct tells me that when he wakes I should wake...Need I go on? This is not to say I think parents who do not sleep with their babies are doing a bad job...my point is that EVERYONE is doing a good job no matter what...so why am I (or we including my husband) the ones looked at or talked about when we are doing what is right for us? I don't see how the natural way (breastfeeding, organics, baby wearing (on my back or in front), sleeping with us, etc...is that 'abnormal' way.
So now that all of that is off my chest-in other news we are broke as a joke. Broke broke broke. We finally forced ourselves to sit down and look at our budget and as much as we hate it...it wasn't pretty. I won't go in to details because that isn't the point but if you don't see us much, that's why LOL. We have been doing really well eating at home, cooking our own food, etc. It saves on gas and is healthier all around. Bryce is very selective about what he eats (even though we did the ranges of food when he turned 6 months) he absolutely hates fruit...won't touch anything red or yellow, will only eat veggies sometimes (used to eat it all the time but like I said...very selective lately). I am hoping that eating at home and giving him more finger foods will help. I hope to eliminate crunchies and baby food pouched permanently. If only I could get him to eat some grapes or something while we are out! We did have success with a banana or two the other day. Progress!
It's my goal to update more often. I want to share my mothering adventures and also some recipes and health tips...we'll see how it goes. Bare with me as I'm still learning this whole blogging thing and so some of my posts may look wacky 'construction' wise. I'm working out the kinks. Thanks for reading and Happy 4th!
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